What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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