Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
