Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
