there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
