pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
