I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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