My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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