just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
