glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
