Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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