...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
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