I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Damn victory sex feels great
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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