There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
is wine microwaveable?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
