If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
