Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize