Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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