Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
