i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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