Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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