New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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