Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
