I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
