i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The air was thick with penises
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
