The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
