WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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