He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
