I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
ok first of all what the fuck
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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