I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
