Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
