I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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