I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
