3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
