i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
