We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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