i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize