I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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