he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
