Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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