Only a mothe r could love this liver
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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