I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
