Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
