One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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