I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
