she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
