You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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