Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i think my cat just said my name.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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