Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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