apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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