So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You just made me feel so damn special
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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