Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Everclear isn't food dammit
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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