the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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