She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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