i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
