i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
