So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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