Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
