Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
