You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
