There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
