Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
