I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
