He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
