I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
