I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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