my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Who died my cat blue again?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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