Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize