he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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