How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
