I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
