is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
