sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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