i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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