Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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