So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
