I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
