i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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