Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
