We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
