Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
