CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
