Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
