ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
