her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize