a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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