I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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