i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
