I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
