my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
