it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
