Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Screwed.edu
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
