Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
