Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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