looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
