Im at strip club and am horny
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
