Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
