In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have tasted many bathrooms
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
