I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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