she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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