I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
