No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
