I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
