I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
