last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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