I hope mine doesn't look like that
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
