omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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