My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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