stop calling my apartment porn island.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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