Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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