I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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