And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just found puke in my bra..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
