I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
