you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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