I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
