Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
