this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
