I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
